do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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