He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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