Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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