1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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