Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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