I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
