i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
