I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
