My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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