Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
