my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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