At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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