i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she peed on how many people?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
