i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
