i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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