I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my liver is dry heaving
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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