He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
