Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
