how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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