I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
