I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Who died my cat blue again?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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