Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize