I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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