It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
