There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
