My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
