Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
