I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
