I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
