i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
