need another drink. this is the easiest way
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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