she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
