i think my tv is drunk
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize