My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
