who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
