She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
