is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
