i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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