it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
