this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
