Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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