How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
