OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
