I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
