This is not my ceiling
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
