Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
