At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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