I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
