why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
