You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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