watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
