Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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