Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
vagina is talking i cant
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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