Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
