u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
