party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize