i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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