hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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