dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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