saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This baby is an asshole
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
