Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
handjob tips. give me some.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
