the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were trust falling into bushes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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