Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I currently don't understand fingers.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
