drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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