Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The air taste purple.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
