Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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