My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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