you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
