i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
