My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
