Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
