something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
